One

My sister Nita was one of my best friends....it was a friendship & conversation that up until a
few weeks ago was a daily part of my life for almost 44 years. She was a remarkable
woman. Talented, and beautiful (a rare combination). There is not a part of my creative
process that didn't get filtered through her discerning eyes, and mind. She was so many
things to me. A true friend, a sparring partner, a creative visionary, a stellar cook, a great
photographer, a force of Nature. She was my "rock of sanity in a sea of shit". She had great
style. She was always there, through every crazy manifestation my life has taken....now, she
is gone. I can't quite get my head around what exactly has been lost, the grief is still too
near. I am in "the grieving process" (as if the experience is quantifiable), and amongst the
myriad array of overwhelming thoughts, and feelings, I find myself thinking a great deal
about Time. Time, and Death actually. Two things that I feel equal parts disgust, and curiosity
for. It's sad to say, but if you think about it, Time is really the most valuable resource we have.
I say this because Time is a limited resource, and it is not a renewable resource. You don't
know how much of it you have, you can't get more of it when it's gone, and when it's gone,
it's gone for good....and Death, well Death is just really fucking abstract. The idea that you
can know someone for 44 years, and then, one day, they are just gone, not there
anymore....it tends to speed things up in a sinister way. You become aware of the passage of
Time in ways you were previously unaware. The plasticity of Time, and that it is going by
quickly, a little too quickly....At other times, Time seems to grind to a halt, and the passing of
Time becomes unbearably slow. I'm sure that I am not the first person to have made these
observations. My sisters untimely, and tragic death has made me very aware that I don't
have Time to waste (something I have known for sometime now) and this takes me back to my
past, which was just THAT, a lot of wasted Time. Time wasted in bands that would never go
anywhere. Time wasted in relationships that were poison to my soul. Time wasted on
friendships that were vacuous, and superficial, and especially, Time wasted on employers
who were happy to destroy my body while they got wealthy off of my talent. These are not
compromises I am willing to make anymore, I don't have the Time to. I would rather die
penniless, and in poor health then to make those compromises again. Ever. That is the reason
I started Stardust For Jennifer. That is the reason why I do this, why I make Art. As far as I am
concerned, (most) everything in my life, prior to the release of my first record, was wasted
Time. A joke. That fact is likely to annoy some, make others question me sternly, and make
even more scream with anger, and resentment. Too bad. That is exactly how I feel. The sign
on the door says "Artist", not "Holy Man"....and I don't have Time to waste, and if you really
need to know why, I will tell you....Because someday, I am going to die....and so are
you....consider it a "cautionary tale".

Photography by Nita Martin

Photography by Nita Martin

Photography by Nita Martin

 ©Photography by Nita Martin

Leave a comment

Add comment